My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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