U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
