Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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