I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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