You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
