i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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