i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
