all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
