I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
