In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
