i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
