I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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