Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
two words: eviction party
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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