Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
