Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
