You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
