in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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