My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
