HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
