We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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