i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
