Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
