yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
