Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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