Who wears a wallet chain?!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
