i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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