OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was confusing and full of hummus
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
