tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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