your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
