Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize