Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
