I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
