OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
