Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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