planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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