No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
