and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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