I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
