I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
