New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my sisters under your porch take her home
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
