my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
