I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
