I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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