had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
