She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
