Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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