i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
