Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Randomize
