Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
