who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
