I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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