Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
