I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
