oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
