Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
