Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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