So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
