She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
