Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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