Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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