do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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