so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
