The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
