Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
