just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
