Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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