he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
