Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
