Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
