so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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