Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
