I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
