HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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