Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
