i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
