after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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