It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
