you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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