u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
