I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
