I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
